Running in that Direction: Reflections on our Lilly Grant and Renewal Leave - by Rev. Jeanne Loveless

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.” —Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi

We started talking about me going on sabbatical and applying for the Lilly Clergy Renewal Grant at United Church of Hayward, UCC, in a Pastor-Parish Relations Committee (PPRC) meeting in 2019. The conversation was years overdue. But it seemed like there had never been a good time to have it. A few weeks after that conversation, we went into pandemic lockdown. I was serving a very technologically resistant congregation, but there we were, gathering on Zoom. It was a very clunky mess that sounded more like a séance than worship (Are you there, Nancy? Can you hear me?)  But as I said in our Lilly Grant application, “the great miracle of United Church of Hayward is that our desire to be in community overcame our fear of technology.” Our hearts knew the way. And we went in that direction.

As the pandemic dragged on, our Zoom worship got smoother, and we started growing. We agreed to start live-streaming after months of resistance. Our simultaneous efforts to create low-income senior housing in South Hayward fell through due to pandemic financial challenges. The congregation was devastated. But we picked ourselves up, and as leadership was discerning a calling to become a primarily online community, we sold our church property, followed our hearts, and moved in that direction.

That decision was conflicted and fraught. But we continued to grow. We started the “UCH Rebuild” sermon podcast on Apple and Spotify. We livestreamed; we posted content on YouTube. We discovered that haters were a good gauge that our direction was right. We welcomed regular worshipers from Arkansas; North Carolina; Alberta, Canada; and Frome, UK into our core group of folkx from the Bay Area. Then the political situation in the US took another drastic turn for the worse. But we kept growing and stabilizing financially and emotionally. We discerned a call to be there for folkx in red states who might not have access to a progressive congregation, or who might not feel safe coming to church at all. We knew that was the way. And we moved in that direction.

In 2025, we started the conversation about sabbatical again. The injustices around us were flying, and it still didn’t feel like a great time. Folkx were depending on us (me) for progressive theological content and support. Producing that content was squarely on my shoulders. But I was running out of gas. My PPRC seemed open to the idea; my spiritual director kept gently touching the subject of renewal leave. I looked at the application process for the Lilly Clergy Renewal Grant and cried because my neuro-spicy brain couldn’t get around it. But my heart knew the way, and we moved in that direction.  

I write all this to say, if you are due a sabbatical, in this milieu, there is never going to be a right time. Follow your heart and run in that direction. If your church is in transition, conflicted, infuriated about white Christian Nationalism, the treatment of immigrants, the situation in Palestine, follow your heart and head in that direction. Even if you are cruising along, doing ok, and it is business as usual. Listen deeper. You may be more exhausted than you think. Follow your heart. And run in that direction. And while you are running, apply for the Lilly Renewal Grant.  

Here are some other more practical things I discovered during the process of listening to my heart, tripping, falling, getting up, walking, and running in this direction:

1. Get your beloved community involved in the conversation. My PPRC took the conversation to the church Council. And the Council took the conversation to the congregation. The congregation met, heard about the opportunity, and voted unanimously to run toward the renewal leave process.  And they even started wondering if there were ways they could experience renewal in my absence. A leadership team emerged. They worked with our Technology Coordinator to make a video as part of our application. This is a process and takes time. It is a marathon not a sprint. Don’t try to start the process with two weeks until the deadline. We suspect it helped us that that congregation was really invested in the process.  

   
   

2. Run toward the terrific information that is provided. Read everything on the Lilly Foundation websites. Watch the videos. Go to the Lilly introductory online meeting in November. Invite folkx from your beloved community who will be partners in the process to join you at that meeting. Kristina, our Moderator, got really excited about the renewal leave opportunity at that meeting. And she was a faithful supporter, cheerleader, and organizer throughout. Follow the rules, mind the number of words in the proposal, and use the font they request. Have multiple eyes reading and writing the proposal. We started with 18 pages, and when we pushed send, we had the 10 they requested. And I know it is not my superpower to be concise. I had lots of editing help from folkx who know how to do that better than I do.  

   
   

3. I am a photographer and knew I was passionate about becoming a better one. I am excited by new spiritual practices, classical history, Greco-Egyptian-Roman magic and mysteries, and the Divine Feminine. I knew I wanted to travel with my family. And I also wanted time to retreat and rest alone and complete a few house projects. Think about where your heart wants to go. The Lilly theme was “What Makes Your Heart Sing?” Put it all together and weave it into your proposal. Considering my interests and my discovery that I have a surprisingly large dose of Anatolian DNA, I decided Greece and Türkiye would be our travel destinations. So, my proposal focused on history, spirituality, family time, and photography. I honed in on Rumi, whose shrine I wanted to visit and whose Sufi order of Dervishes I wanted to photograph. I included the Eastern Orthodox Jesus Prayer and photography classes and tours in my proposal. When you run toward a good proposal, let your heart and passions shine through. Your heart knows the way to run. Write about it from the places that make your heart sing.  

   
   

4. Create an organized program for renewal leave with the congregation. Encourage the community to try out new things. The organization done in advance will make them able to experience renewal more fully. We hired a part-time sabbatical minister who is also a gifted retreat leader. And the congregation’s experience during renewal leave was life-changing. They can tell their side of the renewal leave story better than I can. Click here if you would like to see our video. It will be part of our closing report we send to Lilly. And you’ll see some familiar DSF faces for sure!

In closing, I’ll just say that choosing to run toward renewal leave changed me. I’m moving at a slower pace and connecting more deeply with my family. I downsized 11 boxes of books and a bunch of other stuff I didn’t need. We welcomed a new kitten into our lives. And now when I am leading at UCH and talk about places that are mentioned in the bible like Corinth, Pergamon, Sardis, Athens, and Ephesus, I have an energized perspective because I have walked there. I am also so much more aware of how interconnected we all are globally. And much to my delight, I also became a better photographer. I’m so glad UCH and I ran in the direction of renewal leave. My heart knew the way.  Perhaps your heart feels like a move in that direction too.

The Burial Shrine of Rumi, in Konya, Türkiye. Rumi is buried behind me. The Mevlana mosque was packed with emotionally moved pilgrims from all over the world. And the energy was otherworldly.

Sufi Whirling Dervishes, The Sufis are the order that Rumi founded. These were taken at a whirling demonstration in Cappadocia, Türkiye. Photos are not allowed during religious ceremonies. OM-5 Mark II.

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Rev. Jeanne Loveless is a DSF/PSR graduate (M.Div./2003) and the Senior Minister & Teacher at United Church of Hayward, United Church of Christ, an online community based in Hayward, CA.