The Squeeze - A Reflection from Rev. Dr. Amber Mattingly

I sat in the backseat of our SUV, counting down the minutes until we arrived back home. Each of us sat quietly, lost in thought, sadness, worry, and anger as we wrestled with all that we had just experienced. We planned this trip months ago, deciding to stop and see family as we made the long 17-hour drive to Cincinnati, where we would move our baby girl into her dorm room at Xavier University. The planning for her move was fun and exciting, but the reality of the moment when we drove away from the campus broke my heart. But this trip revealed other concerns that needed immediate attention. When we stopped to see my husband’s family on the way to Cincinnati, their neighbors approached us with great concerns about my in-laws continuing to live alone in their home. We thought they were exaggerating when they described the latest episode where a neighbor stopped by to check on them, and an ambulance was called because my father-in-law was lying listless on the couch with a high fever while my mother-in-law seemed oblivious to his condition.  After spending a few days with my in-laws, we realized that the neighbors were right to be concerned, so we worried about their next level of care on our long drive home from Cincinnati. But that was not the most immediate concern. As I sat in the backseat of our SUV, I received a text message from the church that I pastored, which we recently moved closer to, stating that they were breaking up with me. I no longer had a job.

I refer to this week as “the squeeze,” and this seems to make sense to many of my colleagues. My family felt squeezed emotionally, spiritually, and financially. We felt squeezed by the pressures of needing to make quick decisions for the safety of family members who lived states away and by their neighbors, who decided we did not care because we were not moving quickly enough. This was also election season, so we felt squeezed trying to decide when protecting the vulnerable meant keeping a low profile and at what point we needed to shout loudly for all to hear. Stories like mine are plenty, and it seems that many of us are feeling our own unique squeeze just being alive in today’s world. 

Navigating the complex human experience requires tools in our toolbelt that will help us care for our mind, body, and spirit. As we focus on mental health in the month of May, this is a gentle reminder to experiment with practices that bring you joy. Recently, I preached on the passage in Nehemiah 8 where he states, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” This passage comes after the Israelites experienced their own “squeeze.” The ancestors of our faith tradition experienced defeat and exile, but were coming back to the land, wondering who God’s people were and how they would create community after all this time spent apart. After encouraging the people to find joy as their strength, Nehemiah sends them out to celebrate with gratitude for all that God has done for the people, and a part of this celebration is to give generously to those who did not prepare for this feast. 

For me, this passage encourages me to set an intention that I follow with action. I frame my intention like this: May I slow down and savor all the joy that I need so that I may be of benefit to all sentient beings. After I state my intention, I take a deep breath, release at least 1% of the tension in my body on the exhale, and consider what I am grateful for in this present moment. Too often, I am lost in thought about something that happened in the past, or I am creating a story about what will happen next, but taking three breaths interrupts my thoughts and brings me back into this present moment where I can simply be. The exhale of my breath invites me to release tension and reflect on what I think I have control over and what I actually have control over. I have the power to open my heart to all the joy that I need. After my three breaths, I feel awake in this present moment. I am able to see beauty and offer gratitude. I am delighted to hear my daughter’s voice on the phone. I smell brownies baking and taste their sweetness. I melt into the warm embrace of my son. The joy of the Lord gives me the strength I need to be of benefit to my loved ones, strangers that I meet, and even to consider challenging people as people who are living a complex human experience, Just Like Me. To hear more stories and explore a wide range of practices, please consider reading “Finding Rest for Our Souls” which can be found on Amazon or at Energion Publications.

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Rev. Dr. Amber Mattingly is a 1999 graduate of Baylor University who received a Master of Divinity degree from George W. Truett Theological Seminary in 2002 and completed her Doctor of Ministry degree at Claremont School of Theology in 2020. Her project, From the Pew to the Mat: Seeing and Hearing the Outsider, focused on creating sacred space for people from any or no religious tradition to share their stories of blessing and brokenness. Amber practices Loving Kindness with an interfaith group on Wednesday evenings and leads discussions on Joy. Recently, Amber brought together seven authors to share their stories about finding a strong sense of refuge in troubled times. “Finding Rest for our Souls” can be found on Amazon and at Energion Publications.